Beautiful Defiance- The 6th Installment

6 July, 1400

 Blaine

Of course I know what grief is. Grief is when you can’t breathe because you have this huge weight on your chest and you can’t lift it off. Grief is when you can’t stop thinking about it, because it goes in a loop around and around your head. Grief is when you are so so so lost in your life that you don’t even know how to find the road, let alone read the  map. Of course I know what grief is. 

Eoin

9 July, 1400

Dear Eoin

I didn’t know. I promise I didn’t know. Lately I’ve been caught in the ocean without a boat. I am so sorry I took it out on you. I know it won’t ever go away, but it will get better. I’m just not to that point yet in my life. I am still angry at myself every day. I am still angry at my father every day. And most of all, I am angry that she left me. She left me, and she promised that she never would. She broke that promise when she died. And I know how shallow that sounds, but that is how I am feeling.

How do I do this?

Blaine

12 July, 1400

Blaine

I don’t think there is a specific method to it. I think you kind of just have to go where the waves take you.

Eoin

15 July, 1400

Dearest Eoin

I agree. There isn’t anyway other than that that I know of. Thank you for the advice.

I am about to get sappy, are you ready?

Eoin- my dearest friend. Your letters make me feel so many different emotions, such as frustration, excitement, weariness, ecstasy, remorse, hopefulness, and so many others. And with each letter I feel as if I am growing closer and closer to you. I love the way your words flow together so smoothly. I love the way you emphasize things that are important to you. I love the way your handwriting looks. I love how you are so earnest with me. I love how when you are working and I pass by, you will stop what you are doing to greet me. I love how you have a passion for your craft, and you always are trying to improve. I love how you can crack a smile so easily at me, but it goes back to a frown just as fast. I love how serious you are. I love how emotional you are. I love that you love your father. I love how you never take anything for granted. I love how when I read the words that you have written, I feel a little flutter in my stomach. I love how you try to write back to me as quickly as possible. I love our stolen and friendly moments together. I love that you have been all over this province, and I love how because of that, you have so many different stories to tell. I love your poetry. I love your way of expressing things out loud. I love how exasperated you get when I say something that I think is witty.  I love how you are not afraid of me, like so many other people are.

Eoin Byrne, I think I love you.

Blaine