Beautiful Defiance- The 7th Installment

20, July 1400

Blaine

I have sent a piece of  my journal from last night. I want you to see it. Although, I have realized that I prefer to send someone letters and tell them how I am feeling rather than writing to an empty book.

Here you go:

BlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBLaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaine Blaine Blaine BlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaine BlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaineBlaine-

I can’t stop thinking about her

She’s in my head constantly

I can’t

Believe

This

The Princess

Loves ME

So that’s it Blaine. I can’t get your smiling face out of my head.

Eoin 

 

22 July, 1400

My Eoin

I am ecstatic. I am ecstatic! I can finally say it. I love you. I love you I love you I love you.  I can’t even express how much I love this. This feeling and these past couple of months have been so amazing. And you are here! You didn’t have to leave Kilkenny. I think that is what I am the most grateful for. 

Your last letter was very thought provoking for me. I’m not sure why! I was thinking about our whole correspondence over the past few months, and I couldn’t stop pondering the thought of our future children or our future nieces and nephews reading these letters and wondering about us. What will they think? What will they do with them? I couldn’t stop the thought. 

On a different note, Would you like to meet up again soon? 

Love love and more love,

Your Blaine

25, July, 1400

Princess

Your letters always make me so so happy.

I guess I should tell you more about my grief. I mean, you  have been so open and honest. I should return that favor.

In one of our first letters, you asked me about my handwriting. My teacher was my mother. She never really approved of me wanting to be a blacksmith, that’s one thing she and my father disagreed on, or so he has told me. So she decided to teach me to read and write, so I could have more options than just blacksmithing. 

She died giving birth to my unborn sister, Elowin. That was when my memory sharpened. I can remember every important event including and after my mother’s death.

The main reason I feel grief every day is because I never got to have a relationship with my mother or my sister. It’s been my father and I ever since. I love my father, but he hardly ever tells me about mother. 

So you see, my sadness isn’t as fresh or raw as yours. But it is still there, and I still feel some of it every day.  I’ve never really had a really bad day, but I do feel like there is an empty spot in my heart where she needs to be. And you have helped fill that a little.

As much as I miss my mother, and as much as you miss your best friend, we should try to keep going anyway.

With Love, 

Eoin

30, July, 1400

Eoin

I am so so sorry. I know what it’s like to not have a mother, because mine never pays attention to me. I know it is not the same, but I do understand that. If you would like, I can look for her in the royal records? Maye there will be something you don’t know about her there. 

The main emotion I feel about losing my best friend is anger. Anger that is firey and bright and burns up everything else in its path.

I also feel deep sadness. It’s this dark, inky layer that smothers everything, and everyone. On those days, I can barely make myself get out of bed.

I have not felt such joy or love from anyone for a long time. That changed with you, Eoin.

Thank you for helping me slip out of this depression and anger. I can see now that I have been acting really pretty childish, haven’t I? It’s just she was my best friend, and I have never really been able to have a best friend. Being a princess and all, I don’t get to leave the castle much. That’s why I am always asking to go to our meeting place. Maybe we could meet there soon? Next week?

Yours,

Blaine

3, August, 1400

Blaine

Let’s meet there in four days from today. I look forward to it.

I remember a few years ago, my father and I were in my mother’s hometown. The only thing I remember from that stop was feeling swirling anger and melancholy, kind of like you have been feeling. And now that I am remembering being there, I wish I had gotten out of my dark pit of emotions and explored my mother’s home. Instead I wallowed in the fact that father told me nothing about her. So I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t just sit and write to me about feeling these things. Yes they are okay some of the time, but you also need to get them out of the way and think more about the times you had with your friend. I’m sure that is what she would want you to do.

I was also thinking that it might be prudent to have a secret place to put letters. You know this city better than I do. Do you know of any places that could be our mail-room? (Haha, figure of speech. It could be in a tree for all I know.) Let’s talk about this at our meeting.

See you soon,

Eoin